Wednesday, February 23, 2011

He loves me, He loves me not

Love is not about cards, or candy or flowers, but about two people who God has brought together for the purpose of marriage. Love is not about a holiday. Its not about cupid, with his little tranquilizer darts. It is an expression of the deep feelings that cannot br expressed with words. It's about Christ and his love for us. It is only by Christ's love in us that we are able to love others.

The words "I love you" are key words of commitment to a person, especially to a lady. They are the words that she has longed to hear all her life from the one who will love her with all his heart. The words "I Love You" open up a door to the heart that once set in motion can be almost impossible to stop. To a lady the words "I love you" are associated with the words "forever" and "you are my one and only". That produce a emotional permanence in her heart. Almost like an emotional wedding ring around her heart. 

You see it almost everywhere, people saying "I love you", with very little thought, emotion, or even purpose. It is almost as if it has become a habit. A routine.

In many cases people say the word "love" in relation to an object. We hear people say "oh I love that movie, or I love that candy" We ought to never let our words of deep affection become a mere habit or formality. Instead we ought to cherish those words, protect those words and only use those words when they are 100% from the heart.

At the same time we ought to never use those words as a tool to get what we want.
Enter Samson and Delilah
And it came to pass afterward, that he loved a woman in the valley of Sorek, whose name was Delilah.

We read of the sad account in the book of Judges of Samson and Delilah. At this point in Samson's life he has made some pretty bad choices. And along the pathway of wrong choices he comes across a woman named Delilah.

And she said unto him, How canst thou say, I love thee, when thine heart is not with me? thou hast mocked me these three times, and hast not told me wherein thy great strength lieth.
Judges 16:15

Delilah, tells Samson "How can you say you love me, if you dont tell me your secret. If you really loved me you would tell me". Today we have young people (especially boys telling this same line to young girls) telling this to each other out of wicked, lustful motives. Much the same way Delilah told this to Samson. A young person will say "If you really loved me you would let me kiss you, or let me touch you." Using "love" as a tool for lust. How wicked is that?

And it came to pass, when she pressed him daily with her words, and urged him, so that his soul was vexed unto death;
Judges 16:16

But it didn't stop there, Delilah continued to pressure him and use what ever means necessary to try to get him to give in to her evil request.  Even emotional manipulation.

We see this very thing happening with young people. They will press and press, and pressure and pressure to get the other to give in. And then after weeks and weeks (maybe less) of pressure and deceptive words like "if you really loved you would..." The young person gives in and gives away their purity. The sad thing is many young people really believe this is love.

At the same time we have Samson, who makes the mistake of telling all his heart.

That he told her all his heart, and said unto her, There hath not come a razor upon mine head; for I have been a Nazarite unto God from my mother's womb: if I be shaven, then my strength will go from me, and I shall become weak, and be like any other man.
Judges 16:17

This is most commonly seen in ladies. Ladies are primary emotional led. But in this case it's Samson who is giving away the deep secrets of his heart. For ladies this is dangerous because once the heart is opened emotionally, it will not be long before the body is given away. (This is not wrong, actually this is God plan. During your betrothal period if you desire to be emotionally and physically pure, then you will have guards up on your heart. The idea is to slowly let them down the closer you get to the wedding date, so that way the heart first then the bodies can be connected and united, at the marriage alter, all in perfect purity.)

Ladies beware with how much you share with any guy, you will become attached and not even know it. Your heart will trick you into thinking you are just friends. Remember this saying, "Be friendly to all but special to none, so that way God can lead you to the one."

What will happen if I gave my heart away too soon? It will start the process and because it cannot be righteously fulfilled, it will turn into emotional defrauding and later become immorality. Young lady if you desire to guard your heart in the area of purity, you must understand this principle:

Before the body is ever given away, almost always the heart has been given away first.

Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it [are] the issues of life.
Proverbs 4:23

The word keep means:
We are to keep... (1) to guard, watch, watch over, keep
a) (Qal)
1) to watch, guard, keep
2) to preserve, guard from dangers
3) to keep, observe, guard with fidelity
4) to guard, keep secret
5) to be kept close, be blockaded
          6) watchman (participle)

...our heart with all diligence so we will be protecting ourself from going down the road of defrauding.

We have all heard the saying, "You never forget your first love." The reason that is so is because, God never desired your heart to love another, just one (the love we are talking about here is the love between a man and woman).

God preprogrammed the heart to love one person and to love them for life. Each time you get close to someone and begin to like them "as more then a friend", you give a piece of your heart to them. This is the start of the bonding process that was designed only for marriage. Each piece of your heart you give away to someone that you will not marry, is one less piece that you will have for your spouse.

Brother Adam, why are you so against dating? Because it is a clear violation of this principle. It plays games with the heart, and is based on selfish motives. Dating brings a person way to close to this line, then expects them to turn off their heart (emotions) if it doesn't work out. But God has placed in you and me the desire to never stop loving our spouse, no matter how tough things get. God created us to bond with our spouses, so much so that God says we become one. Because of this oneness, we bond quick and permanently. Now in some cases its more extreme then others. And the more times you get your heart broken it makes it harder for your heart to trust. Over time when you do meet the one you will marry, you will take lots of emotional baggage into your marriage relationship. Things like jealousy, lust, anger, distrust, comparison ect.

So as the result of the boyfriend/girlfriend game we have all of these people struggling with broken hearts. What we have is a bunch of young people (and old alike) getting emotionally attached to the wrong person, giving their hearts and when the inevitable comes, they break up, and experience the excruciating pain of a broken heart. When they find out they dont like this person anymore, or this person doest make me happy, or someone better comes along, they break up. This creates a pattern that doesn't not end in marriage. Once they do decide to get married, and things dont go the way they planned, or the other person doesn't make them happy anymore, they break up, only this time they call the break up divorce.
If you have had a broken heart, or are struggling with a broken heart, may I suggest a book for you, that Samantha and I both 100% endorse. 
The Book is called Healing Words for Hurting People, By Dr. James Wilkins.

Young person leave the choice up to God, avoid the pain of a broken heart, do it God's way. Take it from someone who knows. You will never regret it!

Let me finish with this truth, it wasn't until about a month to go before the wedding that I told Samantha the words she longed to hear. Why? Because I wanted to protect her heart and keep it on proper pace for the wedding. If I would of told her too soon, it would of emotionally defrauded her. The truth is this, I love Samantha, and have loved her for a long time, but in not telling her I loved her proved just how much I love her.  I am so grateful for her patient and understand heart. She didn't quite understand why, but she trusted me enough to follow my lead. I am so grateful for that.

Love is caring more about what someone else needs, then what you want.

He loves ME!


  1. I once heard a testimony from a young married couple who never told each other "I love you" (for the very same reasons that you mentioned) until after they made a commitment to be married. I think this is awesome! And, I might add, very unheard of.

    Also, I found it very interesting what you mentioned about the word "keep". This is something that the Lord has just taught me in just the last week, especially in regards to what a "keeper at home" is. I've learned that, by definition, a keeper is a guard, not just someone who holds a certain thing in their possession. I hadn't even thought of Proverbs 4:23 but that makes a lot more sense now. I've never heard anyone else talk about the word keep meaning guard or protect so it's nice to see someone else who has the same understanding. :-D

    It's amazing how you can read something over and over again and then God gives you greater understanding of something, and everything suddenly makes sense!!

    Once again, I really enjoyed your post... Thanks,

  2. Kristin,

    Samantha and I have been truly blessed. We are so thankful to God that our little heaven sent love story is having an impact on others.

    We really appreciate all the kind things you have said and we hope to continue to be a blessing to you, as you have been to us.

    Thank you
    Adam and Samantha